So today I did Yoga for the first time in over 2 years! And even when I did it 2 years ago it was only hit or miss-not something I have ever done well.
I was the first to arrive and half hoped the class had been cancelled. In that moment, I was really starting to chicken out. Then the teacher arrived and began getting things ready. A few more people trickled in (all beautiful and thin and fit) and they were all carrying their yoga mats. Oops, I don't own a mat, nor did I realize I needed to bring it. I was feeling pretty silly. Just before class started, the teacher asked me if I needed to borrow a mat, so at least I wasn't laying on the hard wood floor!
About 5 minutes into class, I was really hating myself for being there. If I wasn't on the front row, I would have been pretty tempted to sneak on out! I think it was about 15 seconds into my first downward dog that I realized that Yoga is not for the overweight! That's a lot of extra weight to hold up-especially when your arm muscles aren't used to holding up much of anything! So, I did what I could and then I slunk down to child pose and just focused on my breathing.
I continued to try everything she did (well, except for that move where she leaned forward and balanced her entire body on her fingertips and one foot), and when I was tired or couldn't do it anymore, I just went back to child pose or a modified version.
30 minutes into the class, I swore that I was never stepping foot into a yoga class again, period. Even when I am thin, I don't know that I want that kind of torture.
By the 45 minute mark (yes, I watched the clock more than I was breathing!), the sweat was dripping off the ends of my hair and I felt like my arms and legs were wet noodles.
The class ended about 10 minutes after the hour and I was exhausted and worn out and weak, but I felt amazingly rejuvenated! I didn't even come close to truly doing yoga, but I tried and whatever it was that I was doing, it was a workout!
Two weeks ago, I would have never ventured into that class. I have been invited by friends who go and I always had a great excuse! I would rather die than make a fool of myself. Even when I have tried it in the past, I was a good 40 pounds lighter and even then it was pretty humiliating.
But I don't care anymore. Do I probably look hysterical with all my extra weight trying to balance and get into the different positions-oh, I'm pretty sure I do! Do I look like a fish out of water in a class with beautifullly fit people? Yep, a rather large fish, I'm sure. But does it have the ability to change my life just as much as it does for them? Yes, it does, therefore, chubby or not, I do belong!
I can't wait to see how much easier it is in 10 week or 20. Giving up now would be such a tragedy because the worst part of it all is over! I may have looked out of place (although truthfully, I don't think anyone there cared a bit. They were focused on their own workout!) but the more I do it, the more I'll strengthen my muscles and the more flexible I'll become and gradually as the weight comes off, I will be one of those fit, beautiful women! That is a worthwhile goal!
In addition to the Yoga class, I also did almost an hour on the elliptical, working up to level 10 again, all the time maintaining my heart rate. It is getting a little easier (just a little) but I am hooked on how it feels when it is all over!
Granted, I'm still pretty sore and tired throughout the day, but I know that will get better!
And tonight, when we had family game night, I didn't munch on popcorn or chips or candy. I munched on Kale chips! Yum! One step at a time, one day at a time, I am changing my life!
How is it going for the rest of you? What successes have you enjoyed this week?