Sunday, October 16, 2011

Fix You

I created this layout a few weeks ago.  This is my son Sam who I talk about often in my posts!  He is seven years old and was born with xxyy syndrome, apraxia of speech, hypotonia, Sensory Processing Disorder and is on the Autism Spectrum.  That's quite the list for such a sweet boy!  This song by Cold Play seems to express so many emotions that we have felt throughout the seven year ordeal.  And not that I truly think that I can "fix him", I work hard every day to find the things that will give him the happiest life possible.  I want him to experience a full life and be the best that he can be and for him to have joy.

I also found out tonight that this layout was chosen as the Layout of the month at ScrapMatters, which made my week!  I don't always have a lot of confidence in my layouts, but I do my best to share my story and truly, scrapping has been an amazing outlet for me, over the years.

Today was also a very emotional day, in regards to this.  For church today, we had the youth in our area that were special needs and all of their "buddies" come and sing for us and one of the families spoke.  Their son is a beautiful 16 year old boy with autism.  He spoke, as well, and I wept through every word.  I was truly a mess, by the end of the meeting, because of all my tears, but I don't care.

The past 7 years have been extremely difficult ones.  There have been days that were so hard I just wanted to quit and truly, those days outnumbered the good ones.  But it was such a lonely road.  I felt so utterly alone on so many days and judged every time we went out into public.  It wasn't really what people said, but more the looks and the things unsaid.  I know that no one meant any harm and most were just unsure of the situation.  Sam doesn't look disabled and at times, it would be easy for people to think he just had bad parents who let him get away with everything.

But today, as I sat in this meeting with so many youth and adults with all different kinds of special needs, I felt okay that we were different.  It was okay that my son seems really naughty some days and has meltdowns in public and has even peed on me at church once.  It's okay because it is who he is and he is wonderful-just as he is!  I don't understand all things.  I don't know why so many beautiful children in this world live their whole lives struggling with disabilities.  But I do know that they have far more to offer us, then we could ever give to them.  The gift, in my life, has been this beautiful boy who has taught me more, made me feel more, made me cry more, made me laugh more and makes me rejoice every day for this experience!

And because this song has hit home so much this weekend, I thought I would share the youtube video of it.  Enjoy!

For tonight's freebie, I have a wordart for you.  I hope you enjoy it!

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Check out this amazing layout by Amy!!


Melissa said...

I just discovered your blog and am browsing through it. Just wanted to let you know that your LO above is mind-bogglingly awesome! I would print it and frame it and put it somewhere I can see it all the time.

Michelle said...

Thank you for sharing the story of your son and the challenges you face raising a child on the spectrum. Please know you are never alone. It is very hard when your child melts down in public, screams for hours on end, or when the the school calls.

Some days I get caught up in the doctor appointments, therapy appointments, behavior plans, reward systems, and school communications, that I forget that I have a wonderful daughter who is struggling more than I am.

This is not a journey I would wish on my worst enemy, but one that I am grateful for because through all the challenges, I have grown not only as a mother but as a person as well. Thank you for reminding me of that gift.

Crystal said...

I saw that layout about your son a while back and wondered what the story was behind it,it was so beautiful! I somehow managed to never find your blog till today! I've been browsing through all your entries (and of course, snagging your GORGEOUS freebies) and got a little teary eyed reading this entry about him. I can't imagine how much of a challenge it must be. I have so many frustrating days just trying to keep up with a 2 year old and a 8 month old, that I don't even think about what it must be like to be like in shoes like yours, you are such an inspiration!